


Flowers Bloomed Under My Skin Every Time You Touched Me

by The_starstruck_prince



Series: Roses For No One [2]
Category: Be More Chill - Iconis/Tracz
Genre: M/M, but pls get me validation, god this was 13 pages long someone please tell me it's not terrible, like if you gotta lie to me then do it
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-07-18
Updated: 2017-07-18
Packaged: 2018-12-03 17:05:48
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,195
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11536611
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/The_starstruck_prince/pseuds/The_starstruck_prince
Summary: Bit by bit, Jeremy reclaimed himself; he learned to live without his squip after a few more months. He finally felt the emptiness in his skull dissipating, and he didn’t feel like a mindless zombie any more. He realized how harmful the squip was to him, how it had infiltrated and infected every aspect of his life- maybe that was an exaggeration, he had taken up to helping Christine with her lines in the plays she was in, he was learning to be more dramatic.Little by little, the roots that had sank themselves into Jeremy’s being began to rot away, and he started to flourish without his parasite.





	Flowers Bloomed Under My Skin Every Time You Touched Me

**Author's Note:**

> There’s literally so much dialog that’s just the squip and jeremy
> 
> Um, shoutout to my homeslice heereandqueer for giving me the motivation to create and finish this fic xoxo i hope you’re having a wonderful day, i literally had your comment posted at the top of my doc 2 give me the motivation i needed to finally finish
> 
> You know when a really good movie gets a shitty sequel and everyone hates it and the director and they all pretend the second movie didn’t happen? Yeah. That @ this. Ick.

Jeremy’s mind whirred incessantly the next day. He went home, thanking Michael for letting him stay over. He had hugged him for a moment longer than he normally would, and just a fraction tighter; he was sure Michael noticed, because he reciprocated it. When Jeremy let go, Michael’s eyes were unreadable. 

Jeremy didn’t know where to start with Michael. He could ask the squip, but it had been shut off since yesterday’s events- he didn’t want to listen to it tell him that Michael was a bad influence. 

Jeremy turned over the thought in his brain as he walked home.

The squip had practically begged him to deactivate it, but Jeremy wasn’t about to do that. He didn’t want to admit it, but he had grown attached to the super computer, regardless of what it had made him do to Michael.

Jeremy scoffed, mentally kicked himself. If he _really_ cared for Michael, he would’ve gotten rid of the squip immediately. 

He sighed, running a hand through his oily hair and wrinkling his nose. Shower first, he figured, then deal with the squip. He hurried home, slipping through the front door quietly. His dad laid strewn across the couch, snoring; Jeremy did a double take when he realized he was wearing pants. They’re just grey sweatpants, he told himself, but part of him feels a wave of pride for his father. He stayed there for a few more seconds before moving on, disappearing to his bedroom and fishing out his dead phone. He plugged it into the charger, grabbed a change of clothes, and moved to the bathroom. He locked the door and turned on the cold water. 

Jeremy stared at himself in the mirror, the loud rush of water not enough to drown his thoughts. For a second, he wondered what it was like to drown; the feeling of suffocation as his lungs fill with water and collapse, straining to push himself to the surface but sinking regardless-

He dug his nails into his arm, and stepped into the freezing shower. 

-

Once he was finished, he found himself pacing his bedroom. There was just _so much_ that had happened in the past 24 hours, he wasn’t sure where to start, or what to do, or anything. Jeremy wasn’t even sure if he could ever go back to school after trying to ask Christine out and getting rejected like that. 

He sighed, sitting on his bed. 

_startup._

**Jeremy.**

_So…_

**You didn't deactivate me.**

_I can't, at least not yet._

**I ruined your life. What else would you want me for?**

_I need your help fixing everything._

**Your relationship with Michael and the lack of with Christine.**

_Basically, yeah, I guess._

Jeremy heard a soft sigh that seemed too tired and human-like to belong to the squip. 

**The only way to fix this is to get rid of me, explain everything, and be yourself again.**

_Why are you being so pessimistic-er, more than you usually are?_

**Jeremy, I failed at my task, therefore I'm faulty technology. I shouldn't still be in use. You could get seriously hurt.**

_Please, just this last time. Help me fix things and I'll… I'll deactivate you._

It was silent for a minute, and Jeremy was about to say something else when-

**Okay.**

Jeremy smiled gratefully. “Okay!”

**Don't speak out loud when you're speaking to me.**

_Sorry,_ Jeremy sighed, sitting on his bed. _You can go through my memories while I'm asleep, right?_

**Correct.**

_Then I'm going to sleep for a while, wake me up when you're finished and have a plan._

**That won't take long, but okay.**

Jeremy slid under his thick duvet, settling into the body dent in the mattress. He exhaled, closing his eyes. He was more exhausted than what he thought he was, and it didn't take long for him to sink into a light sleep. 

-

Jeremy woke up by a soft knock on his bedroom door. He sat up, rubbing his eyes blearily and looking around for his alarm clock; the time glared back 3:04 in red LEDs. He waited for a moment, wondering if he just imagined the sound.

**You didn’t.**

Before Jeremy could respond, the knocking came one more time. 

“Yeah?” Jeremy’s voice was thick with sleep as his dad opened the door.

“Hey son. I, uh, I didn’t know if you came home last night, I stayed awake for you, but I guess I fell asleep.” He rubbed the back of his head, chuckling softly, but Jeremy noticed the troubled look in his eyes. The squip was oddly quiet, seemingly refusing to tell Jeremy what to say next.

“Um, yeah, I spent the night at Michael’s.” He answered, and the perplexed look disappeared from his father’s eyes. “I noticed you’re wearing pants.” He nodded, and he hears a soft sound of approval from the squip in his ear.

“Yeah… I figured it’s time, you know?” He smiled, Jeremy smiles back. “I was just checking up on you, I came in earlier, but you were out like a light. Late night?”

Jeremy nodded again, wishing that his dad would just leave so he could talk to the squip.

“Well… I’ll leave you okay, okay? I’ll be on the couch.” His father moved to pull the door shut.

“Dad, wait.” Jeremy climbed out of bed, stumbling over the shoes he had kicked off earlier, hugging his dad tightly. He considers saying that he’s proud of him, but just leaves it at a mumbled, “I love you.”

The other smiled and ruffled his hair. “I love you too, son.” 

Jeremy watched as he retreated down the hall before closing his door. 

_So?_ He moved to crawl back into bed, groaning inwardly at the fact that all the warmth that he had accumulated had faded. 

**Well, what’s your goal now?** The squip seems to be choosing it’s words carefully, as if walking across a tightrope.

_What do you mean?_

**Your original goal was to be popular, and to be with the target female Christine Canigula. Now, your goal is…?**

Jeremy grumbles, writhing to get his blankets wrapped around him again. _I don’t know, why don’t we start with finding a way to face the humiliation of going back to school after Christine’s rejection, and fixing my friendship with Michael?_

**There’s two ways you can go about the first task. One, you go to school, anyone who asks you tell them that it was a joke, and make yourself seem like a huge dick, which most everyone already thinks you are. Two, you beg Christine to go with you to visit Rich in the hospital, then tell her that you had a faulty squip and have Rich help explain what that means.**

_That sounds complicated._

**But it could work.**

_Okay, well I still want to maybe be Christine’s friend, if she would let me, so I guess we’re going with the second option._

**Very well. The cast party is tonight, so the best time for you to text her and ask her to go to the hospital would be sunday afternoon.**

Jeremy groaned. _What if she doesn’t even answer me. Or says no?_

**She probably won’t. Just say you’re going to explain yourself, or something about being there for Rich. She has a big heart.**

Jeremy closed his eyes, heaving a sigh. 

-

Somehow, Jeremy convinced Christine to meet him at the hospital. He showed up thirty minutes early to the time they had agreed, greeting Rich.

“Hey, man,” Jeremy said. Rich seemed pleased to have a visitor, and Jeremy tried not to dwell on the thought of how lonely Rich must’ve been. 

“Hey loser. What’re you doing here?” He smiled up at him. Jeremy flinched inwardly at the word, but put out a cool front.

“I need your help. Christine is showing up in about 28 minutes, and I need your help to explain what a squip is and why it’s terrible and the reason I was ‘cool’ was because of it.” 

Rich watched him for a moment, his eyes growing a bit distant. 

“Rich?”

“I can’t help you Jeremy. Sorry. I don’t want to talk about it.” Rich’s voice was cold and hard, catching on the S’s in his words.

“Shit, Rich, please. I need your help,” Jeremy started. “I know it fucked you up, and it’s not fair that i’m asking you to help me do this, but I really, really need your help if I can fix things with Christine.”

Rich sighed, closing his eyes and easing back onto his pillow.

“Fine. I’ll talk about it for 10 minutes-”

“Thank you! Oh my god dude, thank you so much-”

“On one condition.”

“Anything,” Jeremy responded immediately, then felt his stomach knot nervously at promising Rich literally _anything_ he wanted.

“You give the antisocial headphones kid my number. The one with the red jacket.”

“Michael? Why?”

“He’s gay, right? I’m not judging- totally bi now. He’s cute.” 

“Oh my god. Um. Okay? Sure.” 

“Alright. So, how we doin’ this?” Rich asked, sitting up as best he could.

-

Surprisingly, the hospital visit turned out pretty good, Jeremy figured. He had apologized for everything from the night of the play, and explained that his squip had made him do it (with help from Rich, of course). Christine, in her kind nature, had forgiven him- “But we’re not friends again. Not yet. Give me some time.” She had said, Jeremy had agreed immediately thanking her. 

When he got home, he fell onto his bed, sighing. Though his squip had been activated the entire time, it had been silent; Jeremy was beginning to wonder if it had somehow deactivated itself-

**I’m still here.**

_Oh, good. Do you think The Christine Situation is all good?_

**Don’t call it The Christine Situation. That’s weird. Secondly, yes, probably.**

Jeremy rolled his eyes, digging out his phone to text Michael. _’Hey dude/ Sorry for not texting you a lot today, I was at the hospital with Rich and Christine.’_

_Why have you been so quiet?_

**Because you don’t need me. I’m simply waiting for you to deactivate me.**

_That sounds awful. It’s like, you’re begging me to kill you. Can you imagine the stress that’s putting on me?_

**Not a whole lot. I can tell- I’m in your brain. If anything you’re just a little annoyed that you can’t keep me because you’ve grown attached-**

The chime from Jeremy’s phone drew his attention. _’It’s fine man. How was it?’_

_’It was okay. Apparently Rich is bi now, he wants me to give you his number. He said you were cute.’_ Jeremy kinda laughed to himself, figuring that the two were too conflicting to actually have a working relationship. 

_’Really? Nice. Send me his number.’_

Jeremy did so, kicking off his shoes. 

_What now?_

**Ask him if he wants to hang out.**

_I don’t really want to walk over to his house, though._

**Jeremy. If you want to mend your friendship with him to the fullest extent possible, you have to be around him. It’s not only a matter of solving your issue, but also an issue of his.**

_Issue?_

**In the time that you had become popular, the sudden disappearance of you from his life caused an issue, a disease that there’s not much research on. It doesn’t happen often, but when it does it’s a result of sudden heartbreak, loss of hope, and unrequited feelings.**

_What- What the hell does that mean? Is he okay?_ Jeremy’s fingers scrolled through his contacts by habit, finding Michael’s number and opening a new text to him, asking if he wanted to hang out.

**Judging by what little I gathered from him when you were with him the other night, it has become nearly too severe to manage. However, you making up with him seemed to help reverse the effects a little.**

_Is there a way to cure it?_ Michael’s reply came through, telling him to come over when he wanted to, he was setting up _Apocalypse of the Damned_ for when he got there.

**Unfortunately, the only known way to cure it is for the feelings to be reciprocated or from the affected person to lose those feelings. Either way, you have to keep it at bay. He could become seriously injured.**

_So either I date him or get him to date someone else?_

**No. Either you grow to love him back, or you help him to love someone else. And that someone else could be...**

_Rich?_

**Correct.**

_But what if I hook them up, but then I realize that I loved Michael all along, and I ruined my chances?_ Jeremy slid off his bed, pulling his shoes back on.

**Do you think that’s going to happen?**

_I don’t think so. But what if-_

**Don’t worry about it then.**

On the walk over, Jeremy felt sick. He had hurt his best friend, probably permanently, and the only ways to help were both things that he didn’t want to do. He felt responsible for Michael’s wellbeing- he always was, always had been, hadn't he? Part of him figured it to be incredibly selfish of him even though it wasn’t his fault, technically. 

Jeremy shook his head quickly and almost tripped over a bit of uneven sidewalk. He was the one being selfish. 

-

A few days later had Jeremy pacing his room again, picking at the cuticles on his hands- He couldn’t make up his mind about what to do with Michael. He never addressed the flower disease that plagued Michael, not wanting to bring it up in case it upset him. 

**Jeremy, I hate to add to your mental strain,** The squip sounded condescending, almost sneering as it put emphasis on the last two words. **But when are you going to deactivate me?**

_What?_

**You promised you would.**

_I know, but I don’t think I can._

**Why?**

_You know why._ Jeremy stopped pacing.

**But I want you to acknowledge it yourself. It’ll help you let go.**

Jeremy stopped in his tracks. _No._

**Jeremy, I can’t do anything else for you. Say it.**

In truth, he didn’t think he could live without it. The squip was a parasite, feeding off of him, but he had grown too dependant on it- he didn’t know if he could form his own words, make his own decisions without them being run through a program to ensure success- at least, a program that was supposed to ensure success, anyway. 

He wanted to let go. He wanted to get rid of it. He wanted to hate it for hurting him and his friends, for ruining his life and reputation at school forever; but he couldn’t bring himself to tell Michael that he needed Mountain Dew Red. 

**Good.** Jeremy imagined it with an empty smile as it said so. 

_Happy?_

**Text him. Tell him to bring you the drink.**

Defeated and too exhausted to continue to argue his point, Jeremy send the message. Within moments Michael replied that he was on his way over. At least he would have someone who would help him go through with it. 

-

An hour later found Jeremy sitting on the edge of his bed, Michael standing in front of him, the bottle of soda protruding from his hoodie’s pocket.

“Ready?” Michael asked, concern painting his tone. As much as it stung, Jeremy could tell that Michael could tell how reluctant he was to let go of the squip.

Jeremy nodded, taking the bottle from Michael. 

_Ready?_

**Jeremy, before you do this, I want you to know something. You have a bright future ahead of you. You don’t need me or anyone else to guide your steps. Whatever you choose to do with Michael and Rich, it will be the right decision.**

Jeremy closed his eyes. 

_Are you done?_

**Yes.**

He opened the bottle, hyper aware of Michael tracking his every movement. As he tipped it back to take a drink, the squip said one more thing.

**Good luck.**

After a few moments, a skull-splitting headache resonated inside Jeremy’s head. He gasped in pain, thrusting the bottle into Michael’s hands before clutching his temples, letting out a few strangled groans of pain before blacking out.

 

Minutes later he was brought back by being viciously shaken. “Jeremy!? Jeremy!!” 

“Stop shaking me, shit dude-”

“Jeremy!” He felt the familiar warmth of Michael’s arms wrapped around him, and he fell limp in his arms, suddenly extremely exhausted.

“Did… Did it work?”

“I think so. I can’t hear it anymore.” Jeremy said, laying back onto the bed. Michael followed, laying next to him. They both stared up at the ceiling.

“Dude.”

“Yeah?” Michael turned his head to look at the other.

“I can’t believe we’re both murderers now.”

_”Dude.”_

“Sorry.”

-

One month without the squip kept Jeremy on edge. He would pause in conversations, waiting for directions on what to say, where to look, how to smile. He didn’t talk to Chloe, Brooke, or Jake anymore, sticking to Michael, Christine, and Rich. He and Christine were officially friends again, and were playing matchmaker for Michael and Rich, but Jeremy couldn’t help but feel hollow when the topic was brought up. 

_What did he want? He kept telling himself that he only loved Michael as a friend, but-_

Ultimately, as much as he hated to say it, he was bitter that he had to take care of Michael. He loved his best friend, but dealing with the guilt, fear, and anxiety that one wrong step could hurt him was wearing down on Jeremy. 

Michael knew that Jeremy knew about the flowers, but neither of them brought it up- it was just a silent understanding between the two.

-

Bit by bit, Jeremy reclaimed himself; he learned to live without his squip after a few more months. He finally felt the emptiness in his skull dissipating, and he didn’t feel like a mindless zombie any more. He realized how harmful the squip was to him, how it had infiltrated and infected every aspect of his life- maybe that was an exaggeration, he had taken up to helping Christine with her lines in the plays she was in, he was learning to be more dramatic. 

Little by little, the roots that had sank themselves into Jeremy’s being began to rot away, and he started to flourish without his parasite. 

-

When Jeremy heard the news from Christine that Michael and Rich had finally hit it off and started dating, he couldn’t tell if his body was completely empty or suddenly felt extremely heavy. As Christine chattered into the phone about how their hard work had finally paid off, Jeremy felt a tickle in the back of his throat. He tried to swallow the feeling away before choking, coughing into his hand to muffle the noise so as not to interrupt Christine. 

He felt something wet fall into his hand, and when he drew it away from his face to inspect his palm, his mind went blank.

“Jeremy? Are you okay?” Christine’s voice sounded so far from him though he had the phone pressed against his ear.

“Um, yeah. Just something in my throat. Sorry, continue?” 

Jeremy stared into his palm, a single pink petal glaring back up at him.

**Author's Note:**

> Ha, i bet you were expecting a happy ending ;^] 
> 
> yell at me on tumblr, @the-starstruck-prince or @drabbles-of-a-cosmonaut
> 
> if you liked it, thank you! If you loved it, tell me your favourite part! <3


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